This message is brought to you by the awesome CD that my friend Rita made me. :)
I've been neglecting this blog.
No, no. It's true, don't try and make me feel better about it.
The truth is, this isn't my only blog. (Or at least, it isn't my first blog.) And it takes a while for a blog to feel "homey" enough to write in.
A lot and nothing has happened since I last wrote, so I think I'll just take you through bit by bit of my life this past week:
(1) I must have stared at my China visa for hours! (Maybe not consecutively, but as a whole that's a modest estimate.) I love it so much. Not only is everything translated into Chinese, but it has my name on it. My name. It's so surreal to see my name in such a formal looking document/sticker. With the duration of 60 days printed on it.
I've never stayed outside the U.S. for more than a month, much less been out of the country by myself.
When I look at my visa, it's the only time I ever feel the familiar pull of excitement in my belly. The only time where I actually start to imagine smaller details of the adventure I'm about to embark on. Like what I'm going to do, who I'm going to meet.
I'm thinking about renting a bike (since my school has that as an option) and just spend days exploring every nook and cranny.
And I can't help but smile. :)
(2) My "internship", which I work three hours two days a week at for no pay (not that the pay check would be much with those hours), but it's given me such a look into the museum world that I can't help but look forward to it every week.
The work is rewarding, if not sometimes tedious, and I'm learning possibilities of what I can eventually rise to.
I was talking to my friend Rita about what I wanted to do with my life and it all boils down to two possibilities: art director (for films or advertising companies) or museum curator. I won't go into either much, but it's nice to know that should things start to lean towards the museum world, I would not be unhappy.
(3) General life stuff keeps on happening to me as general life stuff does. And I will say that this "stuff" is why I haven't been writing in this blog. A lot of it has been really personal and concerning other people who might not appreciate details out there on the world wide web.
But I can say this: I, myself, have been pretty depressed for the past two months.
Depression and I are no strangers, though for the most part I have been able to continue with my life and eventually escape its grasp. But this is the first time where I really felt effecting my life in a negative way.
There are several reasons why this depression hit me as hard as it did, including but not limited to family illnesses, stress of classes and I got dumped.
If you know me in real life none of that is news, and if you don't know me in real life it isn't relevant.
What I want to say right now is that I'm back. I might not be better, I might not even be okay, but I'm back and I know where I'm going and I know what I want. And all of it has to do with my life and where I'm going and I'm a strong and independent woman with a whole world of possibilities in front of her.
This depression will not be gone soon, maybe even never, but I've lived through trials before and now is not any different.
I'm going to freaking China! I'm going to be starting my junior year in undergrad! I'm going to be living with one of my best friends!
The people that matter most love me and support me and I them, and you know what? I'm so freaking lucky. :)
Days till China: 22