Until April 28, however, I am a slave to my professors' assignments. And what better purpose for a blog than procrastination? (I ask you.)*
In relation to the title, this has been a pretty bizarre semester. An emotional roller coaster is another way to describe it. I have been going through some painful growing pains in all aspects of my life and continually am surprised to learn things about myself.
College does that. Make you learn stuff, that is.
I was honestly surprised the other day when, during some contemplation, I realize I still perceive myself as a "girl", certainly not the adult that my dad called me the last time I visited home. Every time I look in the mirror now, I take a good long look. I have changed so much even in the last couple of months, forget when I first became an authentic college student. I might as well be a completely different person.
Every now and then I think of myself a year, two years, five years ago, where I was, what I was thinking, what was important to me, and now more than ever such reflection usually calls for a few moments of quiet contemplation. So much has happened, has changed in my life and in myself. I think about what I wanted to do with my life and where I wanted to be, and how similar and different I am since then.
A lot of the time I wonder what would happen if I could sit down and talk with my younger self at different stages in my life. Mostly I'm curious as to what really little me would think, way back in the beginning of elementary school since that's the time that's most fuzzy. That, and my angry teenager self.
I wish I could go back and tell them what I know now. That what I used to think was important was so inconsequential, such a waste of my time. Or tell them to really appreciate things. (Okay, typing that made me feel like an adult.)
I still feel so much out of depth. This semester in particular has been particularly trying. It has made me reevaluate my relationships with people and what I want out of them. Even though I already knew it, it also surprised me to re-realize how impermanent almost all relationships are. While at first sobering, I came to the conclusion that this does not have to be a depressing thought.
I won't get preachy. Because let's face it, if anyone is reading this they probably quit a while back. (I still don't really have anything to talk about.) All I'm saying is that, I'm going to make an effort to really appreciate the relationships that I have now, and learn from the ones that didn't last.
Not really a new epiphany, but hey, just stuff from my brain. That's what blogs are for, right?
Days till Korea/China: 70
*My Italian lit essay might feel bit neglected, but I am over a quarter of the way done and the library is failing as my productive catalyst.